


Stupid and Anxious

by LittleGrossPrince



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, It's 5am and I'm sad, Joel Faviere, M/M, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, Unsupportive Phil, mentioned alcohalism, songfic sorta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 15:22:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4354115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleGrossPrince/pseuds/LittleGrossPrince
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He called it quits. He finally got fed up and left. Just  like he promised not to. Promises are made to be broken though, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stupid and Anxious

**Author's Note:**

> Joel Faviere is a rather undiscovered musician and the song in here is his, not mine. I suggest listening to it while you read.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qg-No_z2Slk

Slim pale fingers slowly danced across the ivory keys of the antique piano. Blood ran down pale rosy lips as they were harshly nipped into. The light airy sounds from the piano took in a new tone as the keys were pressed onto harshly. Words slowly slipped from bloodstained teeth as empty brown eyes looked forward into nothingness.

“ _You talk a lot about me now, But I stay disconnected. I really, really learned my lesson. You packed a punch that knocked me down, You used to leave me so damn breathless. The knock to my door, the lock to my necklace._ ”

Those memories wouldn't stop. Those damned blue eyes wouldn't leave. ' _The boy they belong to certainly did._ ' Why did he leave again? Oh.. Right. He called it quits. He finally got fed up and left. Just like he promised not to. Promises are made to be broken though, right?

“ _Just talk to me more, I don't care that I'm reckless. My life is pathetic, should I just go? Should I just end this? Mr. Co-dependant. You made me believe that our love was endless, now I'm so naive to think that I'm defenceless. I'm stupid and anxious_.”

He would never forget that acid that filled his throat when he heard him say those words. The feeling of his heart shattering into shrapnel that cut into his ribs and lungs and warped in ways that would have him in pain for life.

( _“Dan, I can't take this anymore. I loved you... but.. I can't stand this..” The black haired boy grabbed the bag at this feet. “Goodbye, bear.”_ )

With that, he was gone.

“ _I talk a lot about you now, I talk about how I'd forget. And, even though I learned my lesson, I am now the only one who never sleeps alone. Is the freedom fun when you turn off your phone? I guess I'll never know.. So just take off your clothes._ ”

He remembered the tantrum he threw. Kicking through canvas paintings, breaking his amber lamp, ripping his duvet and sheets, tearing the lights from the headboard. The screams for him to _come back._ To _stay_. The screams that he would change, for him to just _come back_. For this emptiness in his chest to just leave. The feeling of him tugging on his cinnamon colored hair so hard it came out in clumps. He remembered calling Phil and only getting voicemail. Of his texts being ignored.

“ _We can stop at the store and we can drink till we can't think. So? What are you stopping me for? Isn't this what you wanted? Mr. Co-dependant. You made me believe that our love was endless. And now I'm so naive to think that I'm defenseless. I'm stupid and anxious._ ”

And then the silence and the bottles of wine. Memories of him leaving the flat to get drunk and bringing someone home. Of waking up in the now absent boy's sheets with the smell of him and someone else and how disgusted he felt. The memory of this morning. Buying 2 packs of sleep aids and 2 packs of pain pills. The memory of texting Phil, crying onto the touchscreen of his phone as he typed

( _“Phil. I love you. I'm sorry. Please come back.”_ )

 

Dan stared at the pills sitting atop the piano with glazed over, apathetic eyes. Should he just do it? Just give into the temptation of nothingness and numbness? Should he free himself? Or would he wait and see if his beloved Phil with his star speckled eyes would return? Should he move on and find love elsewhere? He shuddered at the thought. Is there anything after him? After Phil? Is there someone better after the love of your life? Was it even worth trying?

“ _Can you just shut up and let me finish a sentence? Can you just shut up and let me finish a sentence? Just let me finish a sentence. I'm so God damn sick of my heart getting messed with. I can't see shit through your broken intentions. I hope ya hurt like hell, 'Cause I'm going to heaven. I can't see shit through your broken intentions_.”

**Author's Note:**

> My twitter and Tumblr are both noizyHowell. I hope you enjoyed the story!


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